What Is Self Worth? A Real, Unfiltered Look at Learning Your Value

by | Apr 20, 2026 | Identity & Self-Discovery, Mindset & Healing

What the fuck is Self Worth?

So, what is self-worth really? Do you know the difference between self-esteem and self-worth? As I am spending so much of my time examining internal beliefs held about myself, I'm figuring out what the definitions of these things are. I found myself asking so many questions.

Self Worth vs Self Esteem

According to the Google machine, here’s the real difference between self-worth and self-esteem:

Self-worth is the internal, unconditional belief that you are valuable and worthy of love regardless of achievements, failures, or external validation. Unlike self-esteem, which often fluctuates based on performance, self-worth remains stable, deeply affecting mental health, relationships, and the ability to set boundaries.

The easy read difference for the brain fog badasses needing a straight to the fucking point version:

  • Self-worth = internal value (stable)
  • Self-esteem = feelings about yourself (fluctuates)

I'm going to be very blunt with you here. Up until recently, I've only had small amounts or shreds of self-worth.

Why?

Why?

Why? Why am I like this...

I am 48 years old, shouldn't I have this shit figured out by now? Isn't this some shit I should have taught as a CHILD while growing up? The sad, unfortunate answer is, YEAH. It was suppose to be instilled into you from your mother and father figures while learning security and safety.

But here we are fellow Gen X-er or Xennial

Not sure what a fucking Xennial is? Here's my article about it -->

One of which is WHY at the midlife age of now 48 years into life do I not even understand who I am and more so WHY am I like this? And when I hear myself asking the question of WHY, it makes me think of all of the people ive heard ask me over the years. Some of them meant it in a positive way and some of them in a negative way. And that part is on them to figure out. I guess you could say I often rub some people the wrong way. We all know, or maybe need to learn. we aren't here to be nice and friends with everyone.

Another questions I ask is HOW am I like this? Which to me seems like a much healthier version of asking WHY.

I have taken to learning more and using astrology and tarot cards to see what I am working with. If you're not into this it's cool, you don't need to be. I also am not interested in hearing comments about it. For those of you working on the same path, ya know reparenting yourself, learning what the stars say about your karmic life and your personality (thank you astrology) and tarot cards for lessons and directions pertaining to mundane and future questions of life, thanks for joining me.

Now back to the regularly scheduled Ted Talk. So, what is self-worth?

Signs of LOW Self-worth

Approval seeking

Poor boundaries

Negative self talk

Withdrawal & fear

Signs of HIGH Self-worth

Self-acceptance

Strong boundaries

Resilience

Positive relationships

The Boundary Struggle is Real

HI! <insert me waving> guilty of the following.

Approval seeking actions - me needing some form of external validation, worrying about what other people will think in certain areas of my life.

Poor boundaries, oh baby jesus, why the fuck are you calling me out on this. Just me realizing I have been self abandoning nearly all of my life. Also, wondering though if I am a nurturing person (hello, Cancer moon) what is the balance between nurturing others and self-abandonment? Probably nurturing the people that deserve it and its my duty to do so (nurturing my minions).

Constantly self criticizing and dwelling on mistakes, this is when us overthinkers are awake at 2:37 a.m. remembering back in 2004 when you accidentally bashed Brad with a cheeto too hard in the mouth at the bar because you were being extra. Is he still mad? Did I almost make him cry? Is this what made him stop being friends?

Withdrawing, and no this is more about intimacy and social situations due to rejection. Some of it has to do with fear of failure.

If you struggle with boundaries, like a champion WWE wrestle going after the belt, I break down boundaries in this post.

But here's the thing, I also have some good, strong aspects of HIGH self-worth and still do not know how to value myself as others see me. At least the others in my life I know love me for WHO I am vs what they can get from me. I'm looking at you energy vampires...

Embracing strengths, weaknesses, and flaws... but maybe I do so TOO MUCH. (Here are those voices from my dad telling me I'm too much while my mom told me I wasn't enough. With some people, I can say no and protect my time. With others, I cannot because I don't want to lose them...

I have lost people for saying no. It sucks and I was sad about it. I looked at it from the wrong perspective. Those disappearing people after standing my ground and saying NO.. they weren't here for ME, they were here for THEM. It wasn't a loss for me, it was a loss for them.

Resiliency... I am the motherfucking queen of this. I get back up and do it while I laugh at myself but here's where I circle over to the negative self talk. Ok, universe, I get it. Brush it off, laugh it off, learn from it. Got it. I'll keep practicing. Thank you for the message.

Positive relationships. FUCKING A. Do I have any of these? Kind of. My walls are so high I probably cannot even recognize the positives. I am learning to discern which ones are good, positive and the ones that are being learned from. Some of this is the work I need to do on my self. I am taking accountability and acknowledging what needs to change.

How to Improve Self-Worth

According to the Queen of Robots, Google query, here's how to improve self-worth:

  1. Practice self compassion - I've been starting to frame this as if my friend asked or was saying this about themselves, what would I say to them?
  2. Challenge negative thoughts - Ok, this one I have been taking the time to re-evaluate what goals are, looking at progress. Applying the above again to this. I do practice positive affirmations. I have them written on my bathroom mirror.
  3. Set boundaries - when I find myself spinning, tension within my body - I think more about what's going on, asking "Is this what I want?" and then applying WHY to my answer. Getting down to the base of it all. Isn't there a saying about foundations and basements in therapy?
  4. Identifying core values - THIS. Getting back to this.
  5. Seek therapy - While I am on a break from therapy, I did a good run with weekly therapy for two years.

Here is my brain dump on my what even is Self-Worth.

Am I valuing myself enough? I'm working on it. Stay tuned.

Self-Worth FAQ: What dafuq you may still be wondering

  • What is self worth in simple terms? KNOWING you are worthy at your core so when some douche canoe on the internet leaving rage bait, you are un-fucking-bothered.
  • How is self worth different from self esteem? Stable all knowing vs fluctuating thoughts
  • Can self worth be improved? YES, it can be. It takes patience and kindness with YOURSELF.

Tarot Reading for HYROX Preparation: Fitness, Recovery, and Mindset in Midlife

by | Mar 23, 2026 | Fitness & Body, Spiritual Tools & Intuition

What My Tarot Cards Told Me About My HYROX Readiness

(And Why Rest Might Be the Real Training)

In my best sarcastic tone, it was peak week last week... and I got sick as fuck. Getting sick is not something that happens to me. Talk about frustrating! Today is suppose to be the start of a two week taper. And here I am STILL dealing with a head cold that will NOT go away which has slowed my training down.

My process for my tarot card drawing for today. I thank my deck for it's answers and for understanding me. Then I think about my questions. Most often I try to think about one at a time. I shuffle the deck multiple ways when I feel I have done enough Vegas casino style shuffling, I start to use one hand and I wait until I get jumpers, or rocket launchers out at me. The most I will take at one time is two cards, or potentially three cards. Often, I will get one or two cards at a time which I read together. I am very new to tarot cards so I have to look up in a few places for the meanings and understanding.

My questions of the day:

  1. Am I ready for Hyrox?

  2. Did I prepare enough for Hyrox?

  3. When/will this sickness go away so I can perform (at Hyrox)?

The Tarot Pull (Jumpers and Poppers)

Tarot Cats, Three of Swords, Ace of Pentacles, Four of Swords

The Interpretations: What This Means for My Training

  1. Am I ready for Hyrox?
    My deck answered with ONE card jumping face down. (Moved onto asking the next question without looking at the card. Three of Swords.

    • This isn't about heartache or failure. This is about recalibrating my mindset.

    • Mentally I need to get my head straight. I am ready physically. Now I need to get my thoughts inline with the physical component.You are ready physically now tell yourself you've prepared the best you could. Give yourself the mental strength, mental toughness, the positive affirmations. Stopping asking IF you are enough. You are enough, now get it right in your head space.

  2. Did I prepare enough for Hyrox?
    One card face down popped out. (Moved onto the final question while shuffling) Ace of Pentacles.

    • This card says you are ready. You've done the work. Your foundation is strong.

  3. When/will this sickness go away so I can perform (at Hyrox)?
    This one was a FACE UP pop out. Landing clear as day, Four of Swords REVERSED. This is the first time I have gotten this card.

    • Don't rush through recovery from this sickness, you're past the brink of the sickness. Focus on tapper weeks. If you don't heed warning to your body at this moment you jeopardize not being healthy and strong as possible for THE ACTUAL COMPETITION. Don't sabotage yourself now. Listen to your body. With this card being reversed, it gives me the sign I am on my way to better health. The worst part is over.

Applying This to Hyrox

Stick with the tapper strategy you have in place. Trust the process. You've built the engine. Now is the time to focus on resting and mobility plus nutrition and sleep. Get your head in the same place as your body. I've trained for months/weeks now. This is the recovery focused portion so many people don't account for going into the competition. They fear if they don't keep going hard they will lose their fitness.

This simply is not true. You need to be FRESH going in. You've built an engiene from the ground up, ok well maybe not the rock bottom ground, but rest is best. You will still be training, but the mission is movement and not at an ALL OUT RPE.

For Other Women Like Me

This level of frustration is normal and common among all of us. That's why you are here. Because you often find yourself asking "Am I the only one like this?" No, you're not. We are all going through this. This is the space I am talking about it with you. Because I am here and I am listening.

We have these bodies and we feel more youthful than ever before. Thanks midlife body, messed up shoulders, joints that feel stiffer than they use to be, but a fresh mind unless the perimenopause is causing the brain fog dazed n confused. We have a certain level of expectations for ourselves. But here's the thing, how many of your friends or family NOT including your gym buddies are preparing to run, jump, and throw themselves at a wall ball? Not many I bet. Just pushing yourself out of your comfortzone is already enough.

Now try doing something different this time: Go have fun with it vs racing yourself to death. If you end up not meeting your level of expectation afterwards, we look back on results and make tweaks to training for the next time. This is emotional resiliency. Not everyone has this and the strength. Can you hear me now? (Verizon commercial quotes for the win)

Next Two Weeks: Taper Weeks

For the next two weeks, I am going to stick with my plan. I am going to trust the process I created. I am going to talk positively to myself. I am going to laugh and smile. Heckle the rando gym bros as I do best. I'm going to stay grounded. Stay focused. And eat a fuck load of healthy carbs. If you are interested in what my actual training plan for my first hyrox as a midlife athlete you can find it here. <-- Go Ahead and Push My Button