What the fuck is Self Worth?

So, what is self-worth really? Do you know the difference between self-esteem and self-worth? As I am spending so much of my time examining internal beliefs held about myself, I'm figuring out what the definitions of these things are. I found myself asking so many questions.

Self Worth vs Self Esteem

According to the Google machine, here’s the real difference between self-worth and self-esteem:

Self-worth is the internal, unconditional belief that you are valuable and worthy of love regardless of achievements, failures, or external validation. Unlike self-esteem, which often fluctuates based on performance, self-worth remains stable, deeply affecting mental health, relationships, and the ability to set boundaries.

The easy read difference for the brain fog badasses needing a straight to the fucking point version:

• Self-worth = internal value (stable)
• Self-esteem = feelings about yourself (fluctuates)

I'm going to be very blunt with you here. Up until recently, I've only had small amounts or shreds of self-worth.

Why?

Why?

Why? Why am I like this...

I am 48 years old, shouldn't I have this shit figured out by now? Isn't this some shit I should have taught as a CHILD while growing up? The sad, unfortunate answer is, YEAH. It was suppose to be instilled into you from your mother and father figures while learning security and safety.

But here we are fellow Gen X-er or Xennial

Not sure what a fucking Xennial is? Here's my article about it -->

One of which is WHY at the midlife age of now 48 years into life do I not even understand who I am and more so WHY am I like this? And when I hear myself asking the question of WHY, it makes me think of all of the people ive heard ask me over the years. Some of them meant it in a positive way and some of them in a negative way. And that part is on them to figure out. I guess you could say I often rub some people the wrong way. We all know, or maybe need to learn. we aren't here to be nice and friends with everyone.

Another questions I ask is HOW am I like this? Which to me seems like a much healthier version of asking WHY.

I have taken to learning more and using astrology and tarot cards to see what I am working with. If you're not into this it's cool, you don't need to be. I also am not interested in hearing comments about it. For those of you working on the same path, ya know reparenting yourself, learning what the stars say about your karmic life and your personality (thank you astrology) and tarot cards for lessons and directions pertaining to mundane and future questions of life, thanks for joining me.

Now back to the regularly scheduled Ted Talk. So, what is self-worth?

Signs of LOW Self-worth

Approval seeking

Poor boundaries

Negative self talk

Withdrawal & fear

Signs of HIGH Self-worth

Self-acceptance

Strong boundaries

Resilience

Positive relationships

The Boundary Struggle is Real

HI! <insert me waving> guilty of the following.

Approval seeking actions - me needing some form of external validation, worrying about what other people will think in certain areas of my life.

Poor boundaries, oh baby jesus, why the fuck are you calling me out on this. Just me realizing I have been self abandoning nearly all of my life. Also, wondering though if I am a nurturing person (hello, Cancer moon) what is the balance between nurturing others and self-abandonment? Probably nurturing the people that deserve it and its my duty to do so (nurturing my minions).

Constantly self criticizing and dwelling on mistakes, this is when us overthinkers are awake at 2:37 a.m. remembering back in 2004 when you accidentally bashed Brad with a cheeto too hard in the mouth at the bar because you were being extra. Is he still mad? Did I almost make him cry? Is this what made him stop being friends?

Withdrawing, and no this is more about intimacy and social situations due to rejection. Some of it has to do with fear of failure.

If you struggle with boundaries, like a champion WWE wrestle going after the belt, I break down boundaries in this post.

But here's the thing, I also have some good, strong aspects of HIGH self-worth and still do not know how to value myself as others see me. At least the others in my life I know love me for WHO I am vs what they can get from me. I'm looking at you energy vampires...

Embracing strengths, weaknesses, and flaws... but maybe I do so TOO MUCH. (Here are those voices from my dad telling me I'm too much while my mom told me I wasn't enough. With some people, I can say no and protect my time. With others, I cannot because I don't want to lose them...

I have lost people for saying no. It sucks and I was sad about it. I looked at it from the wrong perspective. Those disappearing people after standing my ground and saying NO.. they weren't here for ME, they were here for THEM. It wasn't a loss for me, it was a loss for them.

Resiliency... I am the motherfucking queen of this. I get back up and do it while I laugh at myself but here's where I circle over to the negative self talk. Ok, universe, I get it. Brush it off, laugh it off, learn from it. Got it. I'll keep practicing. Thank you for the message.

Positive relationships. FUCKING A. Do I have any of these? Kind of. My walls are so high I probably cannot even recognize the positives. I am learning to discern which ones are good, positive and the ones that are being learned from. Some of this is the work I need to do on my self. I am taking accountability and acknowledging what needs to change.

How to Improve Self-Worth

According to the Queen of Robots, Google query, here's how to improve self-worth:

1. Practice self compassion - I've been starting to frame this as if my friend asked or was saying this about themselves, what would I say to them?
2. Challenge negative thoughts - Ok, this one I have been taking the time to re-evaluate what goals are, looking at progress. Applying the above again to this. I do practice positive affirmations. I have them written on my bathroom mirror.
3. Set boundaries - when I find myself spinning, tension within my body - I think more about what's going on, asking "Is this what I want?" and then applying WHY to my answer. Getting down to the base of it all. Isn't there a saying about foundations and basements in therapy?
4. Identifying core values - THIS. Getting back to this.
5. Seek therapy - While I am on a break from therapy, I did a good run with weekly therapy for two years.

Here is my brain dump on my what even is Self-Worth.

Am I valuing myself enough? I'm working on it. Stay tuned.

Self-Worth FAQ: What dafuq you may still be wondering

• What is self worth in simple terms? KNOWING you are worthy at your core so when some douche canoe on the internet leaving rage bait, you are un-fucking-bothered.
• How is self worth different from self esteem? Stable all knowing vs fluctuating thoughts
• Can self worth be improved? YES, it can be. It takes patience and kindness with YOURSELF.